Merry Christmas!

Happy Holiday's

I'm lonely,
Happy,

But sad,

But am I the one to blame,

I'm sorry,

I don't know whats happening to my heart,

It hurts,

I long for new love,

I long for new comfort,

I don't know this feeling,

It's foreign to me,

Please explain to me,

Is it love,

Or longing,

Or both?

There isn't one feeling music cannot express,

But where is it,

It's hiding,

Alice lost in wonderland,

Pandora curious for answers,

So she opens the box,

Will I be the cause of destruction in a life as well?

I wish I had answers...

I do keep my own journal because I can't risk people seeing so deep into my personal life. This blog is to easy to find unlike my journal which is not easy to spot on site.

A song a few songs that I've been listening to lately is:

Up In The Air -30 Seconds To Mars
Demons - Imagine Dragons
Counting Stars - One Republic

I've been listening to a lot of electronic music too

Love and A Bestselling Novel

I hope my love will be the love with jokes, humor, tickles, rushing heart beats, happiness, genteelness, lust, and excitement. When I read a book where they love is to rich, pure, elegant and beautiful, I think to myself "That is how my love will be" for example the 2nd half of chapter 5 in the book, "The Orchid House" by Lucinda Riley. It is a bestseller and I'm in the process of reading it. I love how realistic the book is as well as how it's written. The story is romantic,full of love, and tragedy. 

Wings

Everyone wants the wings to fly, but they don't have them, yet
Because they either don't have the confidence in their self or they expect to much from others.
It isn't as easy as we hope hope it is.
It takes time, talent confidence, willpower, brains, and love.

People I care about are hurt, tired, angry, and just want to smash pumpkins in with baseball bats or something! I'm stuck in some sand pit that I am having troubles with and it's affecting everything that is important to me. My older bother has father drama. My younger brother is trying to stay good and behave, but it isn't working, not even medication is working. He is spiritually in another world where creatures torment and control him. My mom is doing the best that one person can do. She is trying to be the cure for my little brother, trying to be a girl BFF to me, and angry with my older brother's father, and she is trying to make her lover feel loved and that he is good enough and the best thing that has ever happened to this family. And on top of that she has her normal, stressful day of work, working and talking to idiots. My dad is about to break he doesn't know what to do, he has 2 choices and is choosing the right one, but he needs my mom and I as he used to have. My parents and I are a group of people that can not live happily without a each other. We just don't know what to do and we want to break down and cry!