It feels like its been forever since I last blogged. I'm not sure what to say. I've definitely gone to my next step in life. It's pretty damn awesome. I'm now in college as a 17 year old and having fun everyday. I love getting my hands dirty and learning something different. To be honest, I don't see how people who can graduate early and jump into their young adulthood enthusiastically, have the energy and motivation. It just shocks me that I ended up being able to be one of those people.  I am very happy about it, I wouldn't change a thing.

Desired

I know I am not the only one who wants to be desired.
I want someone to approach me and to smile when we make eye contact. I want to hug someone because it feels good and I want to.

This whole hidden away from the world feels like confinement and walls too high to jump over some times. I do love it out in the woods, with the small town 30 minutes away but I want to interact with someone. I want an escape to hold to and something wild a new.

“It takes a special someone to see darkness inside of someone and not condemn them.”

Shannon Messenger , Everblaze: Keeper of the Lost Cities (via firmamente)

Chloe

They call her candy queen, but she's infinitely sweeter. They call her a cow girl, but for a wild western soul, she's as shy as a mare. Many now her name, yet few know who she really is.
Who she really is.
She is the real definition of interest. Unknowingly flirty, quick on intimacy, I can feel vibes of excitement every time I hear her name.
Yet who she is is another matter entirely. Regardless of the version of it, you've seen her before.
Creamy caramel colored, pretty smile, wondrous eyes and a walk that tells of heavy burdens that she carries inside.
What is it you're thinking?
Baby girl, let me pick you brain, show you that regardless of the level that you believe, you see, the intimacy is real and the intuition even more so.
Tell he how you feel. How can I? Mere mortals speak to goddesses, they barely speak to each other, so how am I supposed to talk to her? So I say hi? And her voice, oh the voice that's as mellifluous as that of legends. She was the awakening of me, the wondering of my being, the constant thought on a rainy day to keep me content,  keep me committed. She is my love in my head, yet I don't know how she feels in hers.
A torrent of emotion is what she is, but so are the rest of us, all she needs is a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to stand by when times get tough, a shoulder to lean on when all's said and done and the weary may not rest, I can be that shoulder, I can be that person that put's the pep back in the cowgirl's step.
But only if allowed.
And so we talked and we chatted and we spoke indirectly, but when we finally had the realization.
we were meant for each other in the first place, all hat was blind my now see and all I see is you, the wandering angle locked out of Heaven.
Hear the words of the mast, shy kitty, come with me, for all you need is attention, and I can provide more than your fair share. But anything is fit for those as keen as you. You can be my love, and I can be yours. I can be your king and you my counterpart as queen.
You can confide your troubles in me when needed and I'll listen without a whisper, cry on my shoulder, it shall be ever dry for you. Your emotion shall be mine and I shall do all to comfort you in your times of rage or downpour and lift you even higher in happier times.
In other words, we shall become two in a million that are the two of a kind, two hearts stacked in the deck of cards, face-to-face, speaking the words few hear and showing the vibes that even fewer reach.

By: Poetic Justice
 aka inspiring poet Charles Moorer

How?

Earlier in the day my Dad and I were sent to gopher I guess you could say. We were doing things for others like we do a lot. I told him I was getting nervous, I don't want to not succeed. I am trying so hard, we both are, to do something for ourselves. 

I have been wondering, how? My Dad asked, "How have you not started drinking, having meaningless sex and doing drugs like smoking or marijuana."

I'm clueless. 

The only answers I come up with is that I don't have the temptation that someone gets. I don't want liver cancer from drinking, I don't want meaningless sex, it helps I don't ever see anyone outside my household. And I don't want lung cancer from smoking. 

It is really a mystery.

Excerpt from Cross Creek, Published 1942

"I see no reason for denying so fundamental an urge, ruin or no. It is more important to live the life one wishes to live, and to go down with it if necessary, quite contentedly, than to live more profitably but less happily. Yet to achieve content under sometimes adverse circumstances, requires first an adjustment within oneself, and this I had already made, and after that, a recognition that one is not unique in being obliged to toil and struggle and suffer. This is the simplest of all facts and the most difficult for the individual ego to accept."

-- Marjorie Kinnan Rawling

Big Black Bus

When I was a girl not much older than 8, my dream wasn't just my own. It was the whole family's. The dream was to renovate a long black bus with no seats and gum on the floor into a mobile home. We got as far as cleaning the bus and it turned out the farmer we got the bus from never held up his end of the bargain. It crumbled our dream and years later we found our selves staring at the face of a new one, just a little different. Sure we wouldn't be driving to Canada in a big black bus we called Freedom, but we found the perfect place anyway.
When my parents bought that bus, the family was so excited we were so sure that the idea of traveling to Hornby island would come true. Now my family is  in the North Carolinian country. It's a little off of what we dreamed of but it's the best that we can get. I will always admire the dream of Freedom, and maybe my brothers or I will fulfill it one day.